Kill Rock Music

I’d like to think that one great service my blog provides to the 6 people who read it is comfort – I mean it’s like one big, warm hug, telling you the world is going to be okay, right? One never feels alone after reading my words of encouragement and contentment.

Here’s my pep talk for the week: maybe we should be alone! What’s so great about people anyway? It was a person who killed John Lennon you know! And it was also a person who invented the atomic bomb! Based on that sample (correct plus or minus 3 per cent, 19 times out of 20), it’s pretty obvious that 100% of all people are, in fact, evil. In honour of this fact, I present my list of great songs for misanthropes. It’s best to listen to these locked in a dark room, with a glass of whisky, while grumbling about kids these days.

Warren Zevon - Splendid Isolation

I just realised this is the third song of his that I’ve posted, but dammit, I want more people to buy his records. He has a real, mordant humour that I appreciate. I like that he references Georgia O’Keefe, Michael Jackson AND Goofy. It’s a magical world of Disney indeed.

Tom Waits - Anywhere I Lay My Head

This is a good song for those who are homeless in a metaphorical sense. It’s a fine song for those who are homeless in a literal sense too, but they don’t tend to own CD players or computers, so they can’t download this track (that’ll teach ‘em for living in a capitalist society). I love the vocals in this song. There is far too little bellowing in popular music, I feel. I also like the jaunty little horn ditty at the end. Most of the misanthrope songs on this list have a bit of a melancholic vibe, but not this one! The tune makes one think that being alone is at best a cheery way to exist, and at worst, it’s still eminently danceable, in a Fred Astaire kind of way. It’s what I’d play if I wanted to tap dance through a post-apocalyptic wasteland, which IS something I’d like to do, come to think of it. Just don’t pay too much attention to the lyrics while tapdancing, as lines like ‘The wind is blowing cold, well I don’t need anybody, because I learned, I learned to be alone’ are a little sadder than I’d like to admit.

Red House Painters - I am a Rock

Everybody knows the original by Simon and Garfunkel, who infuse this sad tale with sweet, sweet harmonising. Mark Kozelek, recording under the Red House Painters moniker (he’s also released numerous releases under his own name and as Sun Kil Moon. No offence to the other musicians who play on these records, but they’re ALL essentially Mark Kozelek works), turns this into a work of stark, exquisitely beautiful, soul-crushing emptiness, with just enough edge to give you the feeling he wants to be that way.

Nick Cave - People Ain’t No Good

Sure, these songs are good for misanthropes, but why should we be misanthropes in the first place? Well, Nick Cave has a perfectly acceptable answer to that question. This was used on the Shrek soundtrack (one of the Shreks. I honestly don’t care which one). I still can’t figure out whether that’s cool or completely and utterly horrifying.

The Kills - Fuck the People

Hell, this list provides a song for all moods of any self-respecting misanthrope. We’ve covered happiness and sadness, so let’s throw a little anger in there! Hmmm, the title to this song kind of explains it all doesn’t it?

Johnny Cash - Solitary Man

I sometimes feel that Neil Diamond doesn’t get enough respect. Sure, he writes some overly saccharine songs, but he is a skilled tunesmith. Even Sweet Caroline never fails to make me a little happier, and Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon has a nice, perv noir feel to it. Solitary Man is his greatest in my mind. Crooked Fingers do a great cover of it, but the definitive version of this song has to be this Johnny Cash take. He makes it sound like bein’ alone is THE coolest thing you could possibly be.

There you go, a list for all the solitary men and the socially damned. I raise my fist in a sea of emptiness to you all! Just to avoid charges of being too negative, or too curmudgeonly, or too depressing or something, next week’s list will look at great songs written about baskets full of puppies and adorable kittens. It will be entitled: Sunshine and Lollypops. All was quiet on the music front this week, except for the Junos (Canada’s Grammys) being handed out. I refuse to give coverage (if an undersubscribed blog can be called that) to an award show that openly and blatantly hands out awards based on sales (bloody Nickelback led the pack with three of the worthless trophies). I really wish more coverage was given to awards that actually took into account, um, artistic merit. The Polaris Prize in Canada, the Shortlist Prize in the US and the Mercury Prize in the UK tend to do that, so kudos to them. I just wish people paid a little more attention to these awards, or that they were a little more common, rather than the BRITs or the Grammys or the Junos of the world. Next week is a big and exciting one for CD releases, with Doves releasing their new one, Kingdom of Rust, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs returning with It’s Blitz! and the Hold Steady releasing their first live album. Hooray for me, and less so for my pocketbook. See you next week!